08 Jul

If my Vagina shot bullets, could I conceal it from Rick Perry and John Kasich?

Margaret & Helen

by Helen Philpot

The O’Leary: I mean it, too,really!

Margaret, if my vagina could shoot bullets it would have fewer regulations on it.  Plus, it would be easier to conceal from idiot politicians like Rick Perry and John Kasich.  And while that might be a bit graphic for even me, it’s a sad but very true statement.  We women in Texas (I can’t speak for the women of Ohio) are madder than hell and I think it’s time again for another Ann Richards to come make things right – God rest her soul.  Years ago she said that government should “open the doors and let the people in.”  Well ready or not, here we come.  And this time, we’re bringing a Harvard grad named Senator Wendy Davis.

For years now, Governor Perry has waged a war on women based on conversations he has with God and his pastor.  It’s a given that Rick’s god speaks to him in a male voice.  I am sure he has never considered the alternative.  According to his god, women can’t be trusted to make healthcare decisions.  As a result Perry has decided to make it hard for poor women (and soon almost any woman) to even have access to healthcare at all – problem solved.  When you gut funding for family planning, force doctors to perform unnecessary procedures on women (and only women) and then shut down dozens of women’s health clinics… well let’s just say it’s not a stretch to suggest that Rick Perry hates women.  But as far as his desire to end abortion, he doesn’t have a clue.  All of his efforts will simply decrease the number of safe, legal abortions and increase the number of unsafe, illegal abortions.

I am old enough to remember what happens to women who don’t have access to safe, legal abortions.  I lost a few friends in those days.  But, I guess if you don’t like women, killing a few is of no concern.  Can you imagine the outrage if we were legislating a penis?  Would the out-crying of voters be called an unruly mob then?  Not a chance.   It would be called the Texas Legislature.

Rick Perry, bless his heart, doesn’t have the good sense God gave a goose – otherwise known as a C minus average at Texas A&M University.  That boy hasn’t had a light on in the attic since someone in kindergarten told him he had nice hair.  Perry says that A&M shaped him into the person he is today.  What shape is obtuse?  He earned a C in U.S. History, a D in Shakespeare, and a D in the principles of economics.  Perry even got a C in gym which might explain why he finds joy in picking on defenseless, poor women who can’t fight back.  I don’t even know what to say about his C in animal breeding.  If the man can’t even figure out how animals reproduce, why do we expect him make rational decisions about women’s reproductive freedoms?

Unfortunately Rick is not the only Governor who has taken up gynecology on the side. Over in the great state of Ohio, a certain Mr. Kasich seems to be fine with keeping helpful health information from rape victims.  And in North Carolina they plan to tell 7th graders that if you have an abortion, you’ll never be able to have any more children.   Hmmm.   Lying to rape victims and children.   Republicans everywhere must be so proud.

You know what gets me, Margaret?  These holier-than-thou types who have to lie and mislead because people don’t want to buy their brand of religion are nothing more than hypocritical bullies.  Just like Jesus taught us“…whoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when you depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet and then lie to them and force them to do what you want.”

And for those women out there, who think this is really about saving innocent babies, let me assure you it’s not.   Republican politicians have passed legislation to define pregnancy as beginning at fertilization which means most types of birth control are now defined as causing abortions.  You might want to think about that really hard.  Are they saving babies or just calling you a slut?  Honestly, Perry and Kasich think women run to Planned Parenthood like it was a 7-Eleven.  I’ll take a soda, a bag of chips and an abortion please.

To Perry, Kasich and the other asshat politicians who want to regulate women’s bodies I have one thing to say:  Get your religion out of my vagina and back into your heart where it belongs.  I mean it.  Really.

VOTE IN 2014.

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